Half of American parents are risking their retirement savings to help support adult children, according to a recent survey.
A poll conducted by Bankrate.com asked parents: Would you say you have sacrificed or are sacrificing your retirement savings to help your adult children financially?
Fifty-one percent of respondents said, yes, they were jeopardizing their retirement security a lot or somewhat. Parents said they were paying, among other expenses, cellphone bills, car insurance premiums and housing costs.
Higher-earning parents were more likely to provide financial assistance compared with lower-earning parents. Sixty-one percent of parents making more than $80,000 per year said they were sacrificing their retirement to help support children 18 and older with their bills, while 54 percent of parents earning $40,000 to $80,000 said they are paying bills for their grown children.
“I think some parents are caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place when it comes to sending their children on their way, financially speaking,” said Mark Hamrick, senior economic analyst for Bankrate.com. “For some, it is because they see no other good alternatives, or they are unwilling to press the point, such as essentially kicking their children out or being more forceful in, say, divorcing them from the Netflix account.”
Pulling back financial support can be difficult when your adult child is starting out and struggling under the weight of student loans and high housing costs. But coddling them too long at the expense of your retirement security will eventually shift the financial burden to your children, who may not be able to handle the burden of your care.
“In some cases, for the parents, they are likely either failing to do their own homework to know how much money they will require in retirement, in denial, or overly optimistic how they will make up for it on the other side, perhaps by working part-time later,” Hamrick said.
I’m not opposed to extending parental resources to help them pay off debt or ease the financial burden on adult children who are trying to establish themselves.
“I don’t think it is exclusively a financial issue,” Hamrick said. “I think there are a variety of threads attached to the emotionally charged nature of their relationships. Because of the modern nature of more closely tied psychologically boomer parents and their adult children, some are willing to pay a price to keep them close to home.”
I’ve seen this first hand. Parents cannot let go financially for fear their children will struggle too much. Or they cling too long, enabling irresponsible adult children. The financial umbilical cord has to be cut or you are going to end up with an overindulged adult still treating you like his or her personal ATM.
The question of sacrificing your retirement savings to help support an adult child reminds me of the instructions the flight attendants give just before takeoff.
Flight attendants instruct passengers to put on their oxygen masks first, even if traveling with a child — or someone acting like a child. As parents, we have to think of our financial life as an oxygen mask.
Why?
You have to fasten your mask first, because if you’re gasping for air and pass out, you cannot help yourself or your child.
If you have enough saved for retirement and to assist an adult child who is doing his or her best to launch, that’s fine. But if you aren’t saving for retirement or investing enough, put your mask on first.
Secure your retirement first.
