Determine if your partner shares your financial values.
While kindness, intelligence, humor and shared interests are crucial attributes single people often look for in a partner, taking stock of whether you’re financially compatible can help you build the foundation of a healthy relationship. With study after study showing that disagreements on important money matters can lead to significant damage to a relationship and, in many cases, divorce, ensuring you and your partner are on the same page is key. In fact, a 2018 survey from the financial education company Ramsey Solutions found that money issues are the second leading cause of divorce, after infidelity. So, if you want to make sure you and your partner are a financially compatible couple, look for these telltale signs.
You talk openly about your finances.
If you or your partner routinely hide spending habits from one another, that’s a problem. “This behavior is called financial infidelity,” says Derek Hagen, a certified financial planner and owner of Hagen Financial, a financial planning and coaching firm in Minnetonka, Minnesota. While keeping financial secrets may not seem like a deal-breaker, it could signal distrust in your relationship. Financial infidelity “usually happens because a couple fights a lot about money and one partner views it better to hide financial facts than to have a discussion or fight,” Hagen says. To build trust, make sure to disclose your financial information, including any debts you have, your credit scores and your plans for saving for retirement.
You share the same future financial goals.
If you have different financial objectives, this could be a red flag for issues later on, says Brie Sodano, financial advisor and owner of the financial firm From Sheep to Shark in Watertown, Connecticut. Sodano recalls one older couple she worked with, where the husband wanted to spend most of their money traveling. “She wanted to pay for their children’s student loans, weddings and give them each a down payment on a first house,” she says. “When the goals are vastly different, it’s best to start where you agree and move outward from there,” she explains. “Taking a win-win collaborative approach is better than a compromise, where both feel they have won on one thing, but lost on another.”
You have a similar financial upbringing.
“When one person in the marriage comes from a more wealthy family, they can have much higher expectations of standard of living,” Sodano says. “This is especially troublesome for young couples, where they may not yet be able to afford the same lifestyle as their parents.” That said, if you grew up in a less-affluent neighborhood than your partner, it doesn’t mean you won’t be a money-conscious and supportive couple, but adjusting your financial outlooks may take some work.
You have the same financial comfort zones.
“We each have a financial comfort zone, a place where our savings, debt, earnings or expenses typically live,” Sodano says. Sometimes, according to Sodano, a couple will start off in the same financial comfort zone, but over the years, you or your partner isn’t as happy because you’re no longer making as much money. Or perhaps your partner is earning more, but one of you is unsatisfied with how the money is being spent. “Often, I will see clients self-sabotage when they grow out of their comfort zone or become obsessive when below their comfort zone,” Sodano says. “If a married couple has vastly different comfort zones, it can feel like your spouse is a financial weight or a greedy, nagging lunatic.”
You take financial responsibility for shared expenses.
When it comes to budgeting with your partner, do you feel confident that you spend within your means and never lecture each other about your money-management strategy as a couple? If so, you’re on a good track. On the other hand, if you constantly chide your partner for overspending and bringing in too little, this has the potential to cause a lot of stress. “Blaming your spouse for financial trouble isn’t helpful in solving the problem or having a happy marriage,” Sodano says. Nobody wins in the blame game, and if you get in the habit of criticizing each other for being broke, chances are, you’ll start arguing about financial issues later on.
You have similar spending and saving patterns.
If you and your significant other tend to make the same spending and saving decisions, chances are you share the same financial values. On the other hand, if your partner has poor spending habits and you criticize him or her for it, you may be labeled as a nag. Instead of criticizing your partner’s financial habits, “clean up your side of the street,” Sodano suggests. In other words, if you want your partner’s financial habits to improve, correct your own first. “Consider your spending (patterns), look at your transactions and make the moves that you can make on your own. When you want to get your spouse on board, it is much easier when there is already momentum,” Sodano says.
Your income levels are comparable.
If you and your partner earn vastly different salaries, that can spell trouble, says Russell Knight, a divorce attorney in Chicago. What often happens is that the partners end up resenting each other, he explains. Usually, “the bigger earner will resent the smaller earner because they are both working just as much, while getting completely different results.” If the partner earning less spends money too freely, the higher earner may also resent his or her partner. And if the couple keeps their finances separate, “then the relationship becomes absolutely unsustainable,” Knight says. “This doesn’t seem to happen when one party does not work. I think there’s just a different dynamic.”
You don’t argue about your finances.
If you openly and frequently talk about money, that’s a good indication you’re a suitable match. “At the end of the day, having similar goals and values will make couples’ lives much easier when it comes to settling any money problems,” says Michael Minter, managing partner of Mintco Financial, a financial planning firm with offices in Buffalo, New York, and Tampa, Florida. But you have to talk about those goals and values and discuss your budget. “I always say to my clients, when it comes to finances if something bothers you in the relationship, you must be willing to say it,” Minter says. “Saying it builds trust and trust builds intimacy. It may hurt, but you still need to do it.”
Learn how to tell if you’re a financially compatible couple.
To recap, here are eight signs you and your partner are financially compatible:
- You talk openly about your finances.
- You share the same future financial goals.
- You have a similar financial upbringing.
- You have the same financial comfort zones.
- You take financial responsibility for shared expenses.
- You have similar spending and saving patterns.
- Your income levels are comparable.
- You don’t argue about your finances.