Whether you’re just starting to date someone new or you’re in a serious relationship — it’s time to talk about money.
“It’s so euphoric when you start to fall in love, it’s wonderful,” Kevin O’Leary tells CNBC Make It. “But then, later on if you decide to stay together, the challenges of money and managing it come into play.”
Whatever your relationship status is, the personal finance author and investor on ABC’s “Shark Tank” says you should start asking about your partner’s spending and saving habits as soon as possible.
“Make money something you think about together,” he advises. “It’s going to be part of your life forever anyway, you might as well talk about it early on. It’s important, because you don’t want it to be the thing that makes you fall apart.”
Research has shown that arguments about money are one of the leading causes for tension in romantic relationships. In fact, 31 percent of respondents in a 2018 survey by CreditCards.com said that a partner keeping a secret bank account or credit card was worse than physically cheating.
So O’Leary’s preemptive advice is to start asking questions now.
“Before you get serious with somebody, you really should ask them, ‘What are your goals? How do you see yourself in 20 years? Who do you want to become, and how do you want to treat money? Do you want to save it, do you want to spend it, do you want to splurge it? What are your goals with your financial future?'” he says.
You should also be upfront and ask if they have any credit card debt, student loans or if they’ve had a history of gambling. And it isn’t too nosy to ask about their credit score.
“You can get it for free right off your phone these days,” O’Leary says with a laugh. “Maybe you say, ‘Hey, have you ever looked at it? Have you ever decided to think that’s important? Let’s check it.'”
It’s alright to ask early because the money habits of your significant other can have a direct effect on you, even before marriage: A 2018 study in the Journal of Economic and Family issues found that dating someone who is irresponsible with money can lower your quality of life.
“If somebody has a horrible credit score you want to know that before you get serious,” O’Leary says. And in the event that your relationship is headed for marriage, you’ll want to be on the same page. “Marriage isn’t just about love. It’s about forming a business partnership with somebody else, it’s a financial arrangement and people that think that isn’t the case usually end up divorced.”
When O’Leary was dating his now-wife, Linda, in the ’80s, the pair made sure to align their outlook on money. O’Leary proposed with a tiny diamond from a wholesaler and when they married in 1990, they had a low-cost wedding with pizza and beer. For their 25-year anniversary, O’Leary got her an upgraded 5.5 carat diamond.
For the O’Learys, it has worked for decades: “The best marriages are built on pillars that both sides agree on.”